I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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