I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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