i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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