I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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