I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
