Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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