so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
