Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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