You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
