distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
