dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
