she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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