Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
