dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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