Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
