the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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