Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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