In America we eat man semen.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
