you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
