I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
