Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
