I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
