Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
