if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
