don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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