I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Are we still banned from the library?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
