well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
