I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
