I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
