Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
