and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
