I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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