He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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