well you can't waste a boner
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
