I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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