she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
