My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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