$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
