they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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