It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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