So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
