threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
sarcasm needs its own font
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
