Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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