Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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