i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize