You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's blow job season.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
