Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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