I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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