Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
