how can u be prego again
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
