need another drink. this is the easiest way
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i've created a new STD.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
