i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
