it wasn't lemon gatorade
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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