i just wanna soil my oats bro
My cat gives me a boner
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
