He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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