thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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