I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
