I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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