Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
