then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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