oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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