I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
