Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
