He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
