just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
