He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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