The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
