i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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