don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
