I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
