i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
