I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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