Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
