Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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