I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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