Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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