My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
